I have never had thought I’d ever be able to watch the Oscars live. Not that it’s an ‘invitation only’ thing to do, but as it’s always on a Sunday and I’ve either had school or work to go to the next day, I’ve never been able to watch the awards unfold live, always having to wait until the next day to see who the big winners were.
Until last night.
Last night, after realising I didn’t have university until 3pm the next day, I seized the night and decided to watch the Oscars live… in the UK. Which meant staying up from half 1 until 5 in the morning.
I’m always up for a challenge. I watched all six Middle Earth films in a row, on the big screen, and it was the greatest time of my life. This particular Oscars comes a really close second.
As I watched this magnificent event unfold, my excitement overloading and my nerves for Leo constantly growing as the night goes on (especially after the Best Supporting Actor award), I decided to write down notes in my notebook for this particular blog. So please, sit back, relax and watch me go from writing paragraphs of each person, to becoming a crying, tired, hyperventilating mess. This every note I wrote down between those 3 and half hours.
The beginning of the night has started well. Chris Rock’s opening monologue had me in stitches, especially the shade thrown at Jada Pinkett-Smith – ‘You turning down the Oscars is like me turning down an invite to Rhianna’s panties… I wasn’t invited!’
My particular favourite was his first line – “Welcome to the 88th Oscars, also known as the White People’s Choice Awards!”
It wasn’t all jokes – he used his platform to directly talk about racism in Hollywood today and how, as he put it, “black people only want opportunity.” You can watch his opening monologue here
The first award is presented by Emily Blunt and Charlize Theron, the award being Best Original Screenplay. It was really nice to see writers be appreciated as Charlize says ‘We know you’re the backbone of this industry’. It’s always nice to see writers get the recognition they deserve, given that the story generally starts with them.
Winner – Tom McCarthy and Josh Singer for Spotlight (apparently I had nothing to add to this… so moving on)
Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe presented for Best Adapted Screenplay. Gosling was surprisingly funny with his whole ‘two Oscars between us’ and ‘agree to disagree’ shtick. I was laughing a lot, but that could be the tiredness kicking in.
Surprisingly, Adam McKay and Charles Rudolph won, for The Big Short. I thought Emma Donoghue would win, given that she adapted it from her own novel, so it’s probably extremely faithful to the book. But still, congratulations to them!
(I see a small man. I don’t know if he’s on a step, or just really tiny)
Okay, what the fuck is happening
I was expecting Chris Rock, but instead I have Alex Zane and Zoe Ball on my screen.
I want more awards and performances.
I am surprised.
There’s four other people dissecting Chris Rock’s jokes. Why? Stop that.
That was odd.
Chris Rock introduces a bunch of skits, which are clips from the nominated films with added black actors/actresses. Whoopi Goldberg is added into Joy, declaring ‘It’s a MOP!’, which is how I will now view that film forever. (I honestly don’t know why anyone thought it was a good idea to make a film about a woman who invented a mop, but there we go). Leslie Jones is added into The Revenant, replacing the bear that attacks Leo, which I think is an added bonus really. She really makes me laugh and I’m looking forward to seeing her in the new Ghostbusters.
Finally, Chris Rock replaces Matt Damon in The Martian, with added Jeff Daniels and Kristen Wiig. “We’ll have to spend $2500 white dollars” and “Black astronaut? What black astronaut?” were highlights.
Stacey Dash awkwardly showing up, was not. I have no idea why that has happened, but it has, it was awkward and weird and let’s pretend it never happened. What happened Stacey? Was it Clueless? Do you miss Clueless? Cause we can go back to that if you want.
Sarah Silverman introduces Sam Smith, but not before making a bunch of jokes about James Bond’s tiny dick, which I truly believe could be a real thing.
Sam Smith was shit to be honest. Would not stop swaying. Giant onion behind him was the best part.
Henry Cavill and Kerry Washington introduces the first Best Film nominations clip. The Martian plays first. Starman plays as background music and I cried. (Still very much aware that David Bowie is dead and it still makes me weep thinking about it. Do not judge the emotional one)
Christian Bale looks like Shia LaBeouf.
JK Simmons presents Best Supporting Actress – he’s an absolute babe, what a guy.
Alicia Vikander won for The Danish Girl. I am thoroughly unsurprised. But it was a stunning performance, go her. (Also, she kissed Michael Fassbender – irrelevant).
Alex Zane and Zoe Ball are back. Mrs Downton is there, I’m just realising. I don’t like this bit. Stop dissecting everything.
Thank goodness. Go away all of you. Although I agree that Mad Max should win for Best Costume Design. Absolutely stunning, all of it.
Cate Blanchett is walking through actual designs. It’s beautiful, actually. The drawings for the actual nominated designs are so wonderful to look at.
MAD MAX WON!
Good. Fucking beautiful outfits. I screamed YES and raised my hands in victory. She sends an environmental warning, that the events of Mad Max could happen if we aren’t kinder to one another and the planet. (A lot of environmental messages were shared on Sunday, which is a message that everyone should listen to)
Tina Fey and Steve Carrell present for Best Production Design, both of them on top form as always.
MAD MAX WINS AGAIN!
I am really rooting for Mad Max tonight. I hope I like the other films as much. It’s a shame Charlize Theron is nominated for Best Actress, I thought she was sublime in that film.
Joker and Harley Quinn are presenting together. They look beautiful. Jared Leto said the word ‘merkin’ and it caused a lotta laughs. (It’s also important to mention that Jared Leto had sequin snakes on his shoes that night) They’re presenting the award for Best Hairstyling and Make-Up. Oddly, there’s only 3 nominations.
But no matter because MAD MAX WINS AGAIN. OH MY GOD. I am really happy that the crew is getting recognised for this film. The other two nominations were thoroughly deserved, I have a slight biased towards this film.
Benecio Del Toro and Jennifer Garner are showing more Best Picture nomination clips. Jennifer Garner looks amazing. She don’t need Ben.
The Revenant looks amazing.
THEY’RE SHOWING MAD MAX.
That score is amazing. Plus, two Tom Hardy clips in a row? Wonderful.
Alex Zane and Zoe Ball have been muted.
Rachel McAdams and SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED Michael B. Jordan present Best Cinematography award.
Siccario gets a big applause, might be a favourite to win. Mad Max gets one too – so does The Revenant. I’m starting to think everyone is just being polite.
Shockingly, Mad Max doesn’t win and it instead goes to the same man that won for Gravity and Birdman. Go Emmanuel Lubezki, I’m pretty sure that’s three in a row for him.
(At this point I was pretty certain Tom Hardy wasn’t in the audience and I became highly disappointed)
The stunning Priyanka Chopra and Pornstache’s brother present the Best Editing award. And guess what, MAD MAX WINS AGAIN. Fucking hell, they’re just raking it in. Margaret Sixel edited the film and she’s a complete badass – she’s never edited a film and now she’s won an Oscar for it. You go Margaret Sixel.
Jack Black History Month would be amazing to be honest (I wonder if Will and Jada are butt-hurt or not?)
OH MY GOD
Chadwick Boseman and Chris Evans show up. Beautiful. They’re presenting two awards for achievement in sound. First up is sound editing. Watching the clips, I realise how much goes into it. It’s amazing.
MAD MAX WINS AGAIN.
Mark Margin and David White are the sound editors Mark Margin sound edited The Fifth Element, whilst David swore. Amazing pair of people.
Everyone is being so kind and thanking George.
“Mad Max is the film we see with our ears” beautiful statement, but I’m pretty sure they’re both drunk as well, which is also amazing.
Sound mixing is next and MAD MAX WINS AGAIN! Chris Jenkins, Gregg Rudloff and Ben Osmo accept the award and they are substantially less drunk.
OH MY GOD THEY’RE HAVING ANDY SERKIS MONTAGE. THEY’RE PRAISING ANDY, FINALLY
He’s presenting the award for visual effects. Obviously. Ex Machina wins which is a little surprising, but given the outstanding effects they achieved with such little budget, it’s also not that surprising. Andrew Whitehurst, Paul Norris, Mark Ardington and Sarah Bennett accept the award. (Britains represented that night!)
Watching C-3PO, R2D2 and cutie BB-8 argue onstage makes me consider if I’m delirious or not. C-3PO is saying hello to John Williams, talking about his 50 Academy nominations. FIFTY GUYS.
There’s a warning that the minions are coming. I am afraid.
Please. Go away.
Toby Maguire is there. Which is weird. Chris Rock is selling girl scouts cookie for his daughter. The Minions are presenting for Best Animated Short. It’s all gone a bit weird and scary.
The Oscar goes to Bear Story, created by Gabriel Osario and Pato Escala. It looks really sad. I am highly emotional right now.
Buzz Lightyear and Woody have been friends for 20 years. That’s a long ass time. They’re also presenting the award for Best Animated Film. A Studio Ghibli film When Marnie was There is nominated, but it loses to Pixars Inside Out. Pete Docter and Jonas Rivera accept the award.
Kevin Hart praises Chris Rock and makes a passionate speech about black actors and actresses not being nominated and praises them for all their work, before introducing The Weeknd who performs ‘Earned It’ from Fifty Shades of Grey.
He’s a lot better than Sam Smith. Sexy ladies dance and do acrobatics. This song is literally the best thing about Fifty Shades. Has anyone seen it? It’s so fucking bad. I wanted to hit everyone in that film. Especially Dakota. HAVE MORE EXPRESSIONS WOMAN.
Kate Winslet is wearing huge glasses whilst introducing clips from Bridge of Spies and spotlight with Reese Witherspoon. I have no idea why she’s wearing them, but there we go.
I am really interested in watch Spotlight. It looks really intriguing, thought-provoking and emotional.
Chris Rock interviewed people outside the cinema about the Oscars about its lack of diversity and if they had heard of any of the nominations. Here are some great quotes from it.
“They’re real movies!” “Like in London and stuff?”
“What’s your favourite movie of this past year?” “By the Sea with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie” “Wow, not either of them would say that.”
“There’s so much talent in all races”
Patricia Arquette is presenting the award for Best Supporting Actor. It is 3:29am and I a more awake than she is. Come on girl, pick up the pace.
I’m still surprised Tom is nominated, though seeing him win would be amazing.
Ruffalo winked. I swooned. Even though, I am laying down.
Mark Rylance won for Bridge of Spies. Well deserved I say.
(It was at this point I realised Hardy was there because I saw his beautiful face in a tiny box)
Rylance’s speech is so eloquent and beautiful. How he speaks of Spielberg and Hanks is just so kind and he seems so genuinely gracious to accept the award.
Bye guys. Stop talking now.
Louis CK is just great. He is presenting the award for Best Documentary Short film and his introduction is just pure fire. “This Oscar is going home in a Honda Civic”
“The Oscar goes to… Mad Max? No.” Brilliant.
The Girl in the River wins. Sharmeen Obaid-Chinary accepts the award and is completely badass. “This is what happens when remarkable women get together.” Badass.
Daisy Ridley (Scott) and Dev Patel is presenting the award for Best Documentary Feature, with Amy being the frontrunner. Annnnnnnd it wins! Unsurprisingly. (Amy’s dad Mitch wasn’t as pleased with this revelation) Asif Kapadia and James Gay-Rees accepts the award.
(For anyone interested in watching the documentary, which details the life and troubles of Amy Winehouse, it is currently being shown online on All 4)
I am so tired of this panel. I am so tired anyway.
$65,243 dollars worth of Girl Scout cookies. Goddamn guys. I wish I had something to sell to all of you, but I don’t. But you can just give me money? Chris Rock, get people to give me money. Please.
Whoopi Goldberg has a huge tattoo? I never knew that. She looks gorgeous. She’s introducing the Governors Awards.
They cut to Leo’s face a lot. To see if he’s sad, or because they just like his face? Who knows.
The President of the Academy shows up and promises for there to be more diversity in the Oscars from now on. “It’s not enough to just listen and agree – we must take action.” It sounds a great promise, and it would be really great to see a more diverse Oscars next year – but it takes more than just words. We’ll have to wait until next year to see if she makes good on her promise.
Louis-Goscett Junior does the memoriam introduction, and Dave Grohl sings THE BEATLES. I cried because seeing Christopher Lee, Alan Rickman and David Bowie’s name up there makes me incredibly emotional which is ridiculous but I am still very upset about them being gone. They all had a huge impact on my life in some way.
Also, I am very tired, everything is making me cry.
Jacob Tremblay, breakout star of The Room and Abraham Atton who starred in Beasts of No Nation present Best Live Action Short. Jacob is too far from the microphone. They are both adorable.
Stutterer wins. Benjamin Cleary and Serena Armitage accept the award. (I apparently had nothing else to add again)
The winner of the Best Foreign Language Film, Son of Saul directed by Laszlo Nemes, says probably one of the most beautiful sentences of the evening – “In the darkest hours of mankind, there is a voice within us that allows us to remain human.”
Joe Biden, Vice motherfucking President of the motherfucking United States gets a standing ovation. He discusses the amount of sexual abuse that is happening on college campuses in the United States, asking everyone to take the pledge at itsonus.org, before introducing Lady Gaga, who sings her original song from documentary The Hunting Ground.
The song itself is okay, but her performance is powerful. She brings out survivors of sexual abuse, most from the documentary, who have phrases such as ‘NOT YOUR FAULT’ written on their arms. This just shows what an important platform the Oscars, and film as whole, can be, to share the voices of those who may not have one otherwise.
Pharrell Williams and Quincy Jones present Best Original Score. Come on Williams. Or Newman. Or any of you, you’ve all created something beautiful.
Ennio Morricone wins for The Hateful Eight. The oldest person to win. He has a translator, which is lovely. His speech is gracious and wonderful and to every person he mentions, he is so kind about them.
Michael Fassbender has a lizard smile.
Last years winners of Best Original Song, Common and John Legend (whose Oscar winning song is gorgeous), present it to their next in line.
God, Fifty Shades of Grey was shit.
Oh my God, Sam Smith won. Sam Smith WON. It was so shit. What the fuck. That’s so awful. I wish it went to someone else. If they opened up the envelope and it said Mad Max like every other award, that would be so much better. (It’s also fair to note that he accidentally takes a Sir Ian McKellen quote out of context, gaining a lot of clarifications for his sake)
Ali G shows up and calls Idris Elba ‘Idris Elbow’ and makes a bad joke about the Minions, while Olivia Wilde laughs, before introducing the highlights for Room and Brooklyn.
Nearing the end. I am scared for Leo.
JJ Abrams presents the Best Director award, calling them all courageous. Everyone has such nice things to say tonight.
Alejandro G. Inarritu wins again, for The Revenant. This year, I’m shocked though. I honestly thought George Miller would win, given that everyone seemed to be in agreement that he did an outstanding job. But fair play to the other Ale G, he is pretty good director too.
Leo looks likes he’s about to cry. I wonder if he’s as nervous as me.
I’m so nervous. This is honestly so terrifying. I feel so afraid for Leo.
Best Actor Nominee Eddie Redmayne presents Best Actress. I will scream if Jennifer Lawrence wins. Brie Larson. For real.
IT’S ABOUT A MOP.
Brie Larson won, rightfully so. Her speech is so endearing and thankful and lovely.
BEST ACTOR. OH MY GOD. I AM SO NERVOUS. THIS IS IT, LEO, OH MY GOD.
Alex Zane went for a high five and was rejected. Best part of the panel.
Julianne Moore is presenting Best Actor. Oh my god. I am so nervous. What if Eddie wins again? It can’t be. It can’t be Eddie. Not again.
This is highly nerve racking. So fuck knows how Leo feels.
HE WON FUCKING HELL. HE FUCKING WON. I SCREAM.
It’s a speech 6 nominations in the making. I am so happy and proud of him. Instead of using his platform to thank everyone he’s needed to thank for these past 6 nominations, he begins to talk about the environmental issues that we face, which is such a lovely thing to do.
Morgan Freeman is presenting the Best Picture award?! This nearing 5am night is getting better!
Spotlight won! Which is shocking. I am shocked. I thought Mad Max would win but towards the end of the night, I thought The Revenant would win. Spotlight never popped into my mind. Michael Keaton looked really fucking excited.
I have gone from proper speeches to nothing but feelings. But I am so happy for Leo. I can’t believe Spotlight won but I am looking forward to seeing it.
So there we have it. Watching the Oscars in the UK is so much fun, but also really tiring. I am really happy to have watched it this year, getting to watch Leo win for this first time was a beautiful moment. I screamed. Luckily, no one in my house heard me, but I also know if I’m being attacked, they do not have my back.
Next time though, I will have more snacks and energy drinks. Maybe more alcohol.
Everyone loves a drunk.
Thanks for reading! I had a great time watching the Oscars and cannot wait to do it next year!